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Bunnyless​/​Relapse - One Year Later

by A Shiba

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1.
Song for those with BPD, PTSD, etc. (for Oliver, for you) 04:10
lyrics
Do you wonder why people walk all over you? It's because you're too naive for your own good You can try all you want but you'll never carry it through When it implies trusting people, which you can't do... Oh, I know, you can't help those who don't ask, for it first, but it hurts to watch you, struggle, over something so simple (even) I could do - Do you love yourself the way that your parents do? And if they don't, well, at least the way they should. They should've never projected their failures onto you, They had no idea how bad it'd fuck you up. Bet you, never, thought you could hurt another And you'd ignore those fantasies In which you get your revenge, or take it out on someone innocent Who deserves better Everybody's got something dark within them It's a cursed place called "hell"... Will you be Cain? Or will you be Abel? ... to live with yourself
2.
(untitled interlude) 01:04
3.
Untitled Song abt. you in Eb 04:03
lyrics
I won't tell you, if you don't tell me 'bout a relationship we're in, apart It'd only serve, to make us feel worse than necessary, bunny I still think about the day you told me I destroyed you, so you destroyed me in return I was at work when, I cried in front of a bustling crowd of patrons but luckily, nobody noticed me - Anytime you told me about People you've been with before, at all I know we weren't together yet, but it still hurt to hear about I still think about the time You told me I was too rational to be spiritual You were so right, it hurt And it felt worse to be compared to others - Do you remember The time I said "I wish I had amnesia, so I could meet you again"?
4.
(bunnyless interlude) 00:27
5.
Bunnyless (for Jacquie) 04:24
lyrics
I miss a bunny and relapse to where I need a little solace (sometimes) I miss that rabbit, she was addicted to life and all of it's things (instrumental) I miss that rabbit, jumped over the moon and disappeared forever I miss that bunny, 'got too close and now she's gone forever A relationship built on anything but the truth is doomed heed this, listen... please But if I love her, and I know I do I should let her be free (And the same... for me) (I miss you, sometimes)
6.
(eight years interlude) 00:27
7.
In Eight Years... 03:00
lyrics
A year or two in the making... (well three... just about) In eight years, you'll be four years older (than me...) I'm SO alone! When you're not around to talk to Some days there's things I really wanna say to you... (or show you...) But I can't... so I won't I'm in love... with a girl Sometimes it feels like I'm missing someone important to my life Then I realize It's You, it's Always You and I deny it and try to move on... You're ON my mind! You're all the time... I wish you were mine, and I wish I was yours
8.
(selah interlude) 01:17
9.
Selah 04:48
lyrics
Constantly listening to depressing music All the anxiety pills make me feel sick Feel like I've never been happy before, nor will I be again Days go by... no sign of an end Wish I could be murdered So I wouldn't have to do it myself My friends will feel anger! Instead of remorse and regret... When I starve myself to death I feel the pain, I deserve it When I think about the future Life's not worth it (I don't think I'm Ever gonna eat again) Wishin' I never met you so you wouldn't be sad When I pass Wishin you outta my life Not from dislike, but 'cause I love you a lot And if we don't work out, that really scares me... just the thought (and now that you're gone well...) I'm constantly on the verge of another Panic attack Having to plan my schedule Based around that I want change, but I fear it I want everything the same, but I hate it! And now you're gone, oh God... Now you've gone. Voy a sentir mejor, en Selah Voy a sentir bien, cuando pasara Sentire mejor, en Selah Yo, sentire mejor, cuando pasara Invite me to your sister's wedding And your dad's funeral
10.
(solace interlude) 01:38
11.
Solace 05:40
lyrics
Feel so tired, every night Feel inadequate at the sight of other's success Nothing gives me solace anymore, it seems I'll, stay in my room and I'll lock the door... again I don't know what to do at all anymore, these days Another week like this, and I think I'll go insane Insane Insane... (instrumental) Don't know when but there's gonna be a day Sometime in the future when I'm gonna pass away Might be tomorrow, or in a few decades All I know's that there's gonna be a day I can't help but think back, to my cursed childhood And all the time's I'd given up and taken comfort in The pity and attention and the inverse of pride And I don't like myself... [a mantra] I regret so much And I will regret so much There is nothing left and there will be nothing left The feeling that all feeling never mattered at all haunts me each day
12.
(you can borrow interlude) 00:14
13.
You can borrow it forever (for Brian) 03:20
lyrics
How do you spend the time, waiting for something to happen always Do I really miss you? Or am I just being too nostalgic? - Do I love you, or am I just romanticizing the past? Do you reminisce about me the way I do you? And I didn't believe her when she said, "if they cared they would've reached out by now" I didn't believe that, for a second. - Do you remember the time my brother asked to borrow Rayman 3 for the GameCube, and you said...
14.
(silhouette interlude) 00:32
15.
Silhouette Song 02:43
lyrics
If paint is light, aurora borealis canvas... silhouette of you is what got to me last night And I can't help myself, and I can't help you, anymore than you could..... No amount of prints or paintings, no composition compilations... is gonna fill the void that's in our hearts No amount of still life studies, no courses and hours and hours, is enough to make life worth it Now that we're both here, there's something you should know Somedays I feel less than human And all the feeling comes back, and like tides they will sway, and drive others away Depressed, repressed, erect, a wreck, I've been numb for more days than I can count. And it feels like I've never felt anything at all The longer you hold back Something's gonna break
16.
(result of interlude) 00:33
17.
The Result of You (for Brandon) 03:41
lyrics
& when it all comes falling down, your fears will come true & when it hits you all at once, I wont be near to comfort you let it all come falling down, let your plans all fall through let you realize what you've done, tell me I'm so right and when you wake up in the morning, see the sky's a crimson blue cascades scream and yearning, oleander's in bloom & when the world just keeps on turning, despite what comes to you & when people always move on, despite the horror of living & when the issues keep on piling, & when the bad days turn to weeks & weeks to months to years, & you can't remember the last time you felt good.... Let it all come falling down, let it all come falling down.... {etc forever}
18.
(oedipal interlude) 00:37
19.
Oedipal Ouroboros 03:15
lyrics
You're so resentful. You don't even believe your own two, children when they say, uncomfortable truths Standoffish. You push others away, to the point, where I haven't seen some family in about a decade You, you can't be 50 and still care what your parents think to the extent that you do and you, you can't be this old and still resent your little sister for being a spoiled brat all her life and you, you should've broken the cycle of the Oedipal mother that stopped you from helping yourself and now, I guess it's up to me to try and break free, from the tyrannical grasp of your past and I will do so much better in honour of you, I'll make up for the lost time, "you're out of line to me" (instrumental) My will; hold me... tell my mother i never knew how to tell her I love her My will; tell him... despite everything ever, you remain to be my father I will do so much better in honour of you, I'll make up for the lost time, "you're out of line to me" This, I promise
20.
(tenka-ichi interlude) 01:00
21.
This was Never Meant to be the Tenka-Ichi-Budokai 02:20
lyrics
I'm in love With a girl who always fights me, and I fight too 'Love you, Jude But you're tearing me apart I don't know how the fights do start But it's always you - There's no greater pain Than the remnants of a ruined relationship In the words of Jim MarBurger, "Life is grief, and flashes of ecstasy" - Oh, Judy Anytime we test our relationship, it never looks any better... no matter how hard we try And oh, baby We've been at it all damn day, lets put our fists down, and wont you please... come back to bed
22.
(two dead interlude) 01:01
23.
We Found Two Dead Swans and Filled their Bodies with Flowers (teen suicide cover) 02:00
lyrics
I don’t want to go to sleep And I don’t want to dream On a table or on the floor In a car outside at night in the snow Waking up in someone else’s bed Something tells me I’m losing my head I don’t want to leave Just dye my hair and sleep The world is ending in my dreams Every week for the last few years And when it really ends they’ll fill my body with flames You and I will be a household name
24.
(april 8th interlude) 00:25
25.
April 8th (Neutral Milk Hotel cover) 01:54
lyrics
Crawl across toward your window I'm calling softly from the street Always a lonely widow Half awake and sleeping on my feet I'm of age but have no children No quarter phone booth calls to home Just late television Inside my bedroom all alone - There is no use in waiting Offer up your steps so I can climb Show me all your figure paintings Etched in the middle of the night Let me stretch upon your carpet Let me hear the rain tap on your street Knowing I am safe on the inside Blankets wrapped and drifting off to sleep
26.
(skull interlude) 00:33
27.
Skull Song/Gymnopédie No. 1 04:14
lyrics
Plant a seed in my skull So a skull tree may grow Modulate me... Do with me as you will I'm yours, I'll be the vessel and you'll be the potter, now... Bury shells in my grave So my soul has a place to stay Forget about me entirely.... Just move on. I was never really there to begin with. I've been gone a long time, I should've left a long, long time ago
28.
(thank you) 00:49

about

Originally livestreamed on YouTube 14 December 2020, this live album was performed and recorded to celebrate the first anniversary of A Shiba's 2019 EP "Bunnyless/Relapse". Due to inexperience with streaming, the integrated webcam microphone was used for the audio, which severely hindered the stream's quality.

Luckily, a version was simultaneously recorded using a decent setup. Over two years later, this backup was uncovered and touched up by A Shiba and mastered by Elijah Hennig. This recording is by far the best way to experience the anniversary event, aside from going back in space and time.

Note; all even-numbered tracks are in parenthesis and include the word "interlude"; they consist of banter and explanations between songs. This was kept in to preserve the feeling of being at the show, but you are free to skip these tracks or delete them entirely if you only want to hear the songs and not the talking inbetween.

-

Tracks 1-11 are originally off "Bunnyless/Relapse" (2019)

All songs written and performed by A Shiba except for the following
- Track 23, "We Found Two Dead Swans and Filled their Bodies with Flowers", was originally written by teen suicide
- Track 25, "April 8th", was originally written by Neutral Milk Hotel
- The latter half of track 27, "Gymnopédie no. 1", was originally written by Erik Satie

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Thank you to everybody who showed up, including but not limited to*;

Better
Darius Ortega
Darius Jenkins
Madeline Dougan
Carlo Serrano
Gwenyth Covington
Michael Chapa
Jim Eger

*Note that this list is only in order of appearance

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Please look forward to more music from A Shiba in 2022!

credits

released March 18, 2022

A Shiba - Performance, mixing
Elijah Hennig - Mastering
Stephen Matejka - Publishing
Odd-Oblivion/Enoch Duncan - Cover Art

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A Shiba Texas

A Shiba is a small solo project by some lame guy in Texas. Initially acoustic and folky, soon came elements of field recordings, sampling, freak folk, and noise rock.

Later came math rock, slowcore and emo influences. We'll see what the future holds. ... more

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